Going Out In Style: Obituaries

 

 

by Dee Oliver

"It's going to be a good day; I read the newspaper and my name wasn't listed in the obituaries……….."

I am sure if you have read my other blogs, you know that if I am writing about it, it's probably  because "us professional" didn't get around to taking our own advice…..again….!

It seems as if I wrote Johnnie's  obituary yesterday--it was done at the office with one of his co-workers/friends. I remember the overwhelming feeling of having to get it written and into the paper on time.  The pressure of having to write something, anything, that would be worthy of the man that I loved and admired was daunting--how was I going to do this? Funny, if you ask me today about Johnnie I could tell you everything he ever did…but that at that moment in time, I couldn't remember anything that he had done in his life and even his friend was having a hard time…..Later, I realized we had left out a few things and even to this day it bothers me.

When you die someone is going to write your obituary, either your spouse, one of your children, a close relative or friend, or maybe even the funeral director. 

So ……..

I really, really want you to think about doing this yourself and here is why:

 

One of the most important reasons is that writing the obituary can be one of the most stressful parts of funeral planning on the family.

 

People panic at the thought of having to write an obituary.  Not only can they suddenly not remember any of the things or places that you have done or been too, but there is a deadline to the newspaper for when it needs to be submitted.  This is an unneeded pressure at such a stressful time. If you are able to eliminated this from you family, well why wouldn't you?

 

Not sure how to get started? Open the paper to the obit section and there is your template.

What you read, is what you should write.

The funeral home will write the fundamentals, all you need to do is add the body (no pun intended).

The other reason to write your own obit is you! Who knows you, better than you?

You might actually enjoy being your own author.  You are the master of the pen!!!

This could be your 15 minutes of fame and you get to be published!!!

How great thou art!!!!

Try not to embellish too much or you will really be the talk of your own funeral!!!

And this is NOT platform to lash out in print at everyone that has offended you over the course of your life.  It's also not the time for you to expose the family secrets….… this would not be considered in good taste and would only result in a thinner crowd at your funeral.

Do be factual, include the accomplishments and events in your life that you would like others to know about and remember.

List your memberships to organizations and clubs.

 

If you have favorite charities for people to donate to, list those also.

This can also be a kind of a fun and interesting thing to do with your spouse or children, it gives everyone the opportunity to talk about all the things you have done, and ask questions about your life. They might learn about you in a way that they never had a chance to before.

Photos can be attached to your obituary, but do try to find a somewhat current one. 

If you are in your senior years and you send in your college photo the calls coming in might  not be about how sorry they are to hear about your death, but an inquiry about who your plastic surgeon was.

I know that I need to have my dad write his own (actually I think he has). And now with my mother gone I don't have her vivid memory to help me with all of his many achievements and accomplishments.  I was either too young to remember or to self absorbed as a teenager to have noticed.

 

He is a wonderful man who I am extremely proud of, but I don't know enough about of him to do him justice in his obituary.

I started  thinking about my own obituary and if left up to my three girls today….what they would come up with...

I believe it would go something like this……

Deona Chesley Branch Oliver

of Virginia Beach, Virginia

Born July 5, 19??  (she would never tell us her age)!

Daughter of Jacquie and Deon Branch

Widow of Johnnie Oliver (they probably wouldn't write out his whole name)

Born in California (about here would be an argument about where in California I was born so they would leave it as is)

Went to Norfolk Catholic High School (here they would break out in laughter because they think that is funny, I do not know why)

Graduate from a college (they won't remember where) went back to college and got a mortuary science degree.

Worked with our dad in the family funeral business and when she wasn't doing that she could be found at the gym, playing tennis, or attending  garden club meetings.

She talked a lot on the phone….…A lot!

She made us go to church.

She loved God, our Dad, the three of us and her friends very much.

Her dogs followed her everywhere she went.

She had a lot of cousins!!! (they always say that)

About now they would have gotten bored and decide that it was complete.

They would probably decide to place a photo in the paper; another argument would ensue over which one to use, at this time the funeral director would have to choose the photo.

There you have it.

Need I say more????

If you like this…don't write one, if you prefer to have yours a bit more polished then start writing and make everyone happy!!

And let someone know where it is, you can even it give to the funeral home and they will start a file and keep it for you.

Say your prayers, say I love you, trust in God, and try to Go Out in Style….

Dee